To be fair, though: Just because you secretly enjoy having the apartment all to yourself while they’re away, or you’re too swamped with work to find the time for a quick FaceTime check-in, that doesn’t necessarily mean the spark is gone. However, if this pattern keeps up or is coupled with some of the other signs in this article, it may be time to take a closer look at your relationship, Gaddy cautions.
3. You’ve stopped keeping them in the loop or checking in on how they’re doing.
Normally you’d probably rush to share your wins (like a running PR) and losses (a horrible day at work) with someone you love—and, likewise, you’d want to hear about their ups and downs too. But if you find yourself “forgetting” to mention these major moments, or not even bothering to ask your partner about their day, that may indicate that you’re mentally checked out of the relationship, according to Herzog.
That’s because sharing personal experiences is a common way to stay connected and strengthen your bond—which is why it’s concerning if you only confide in friends instead of your partner (who perhaps used to be the first person you’d call when something exciting or stressful happened). On the flip side, if you’re not even curious as to why your significant other is quieter than usual, say, or how their first day at their new job went, “this could mean you’re emotionally detached or apathetic towards this person,” Herzog says, “and a pretty strong indication that you’re not really interested in them or their well-being.”
4. You don’t really consider them when you’re making decisions.
Should I take this job offer or stay where I am? Do I splurge on that new sofa or save my money? These are just a couple examples of the kinds of decisions you might seek your partner’s input on. (After all, their opinion matters most to you, right?)
In most relationships, partners lean on each other for advice and guidance, according to Jagdish. Whether you’re grappling with a major life decision (like moving to a new city or making a large purchase) or deciding on something more trivial (like the perfect movie or outfit), involving your partner in your everyday choices implies that you value and respect their perspective. So “when you’re no longer seeking their input, it shows that what they think may not be important to you anymore,” Jagdish adds.
5. You’re not willing to compromise for them.
Every healthy relationship requires some level of compromise. You might not want to move out of your cozy (but tiny) studio apartment, but for the right person you’d consider forgoing your special home for a bigger space. Or a baseball game might not be your usual scene, but you’d gladly don your partner’s favorite team’s merch and head to the ballpark to brighten their day.
However, with someone you’re not that into anymore, you may be less inclined to make those adjustments. Think about it: Most of us aren’t willing to endure terrible, toxic in-laws, for instance, or learn a new language for just anyone—only for those special people who are worth going the extra mile. “Part of your partner’s joy is your joy as well,” Jagdish says—which is why an unwillingness to meet them halfway is another telltale sign that you’re falling out of love.
6. You think about your future—and they’re not a part of it.
As you imagine what lies ahead, maybe you picture a successful career, a quaint home by the water, or backpacking across Europe. “But if you realize your aspirations no longer include your partner or you feel indifferent about the idea of building a future together, that’s a pretty big red flag,” Herzog says.
