For years, we have said that New Year’s Resolutions are not all they’re cracked up to be. We all know someone (wink, wink, we’re talking about you!) who has had lofty goals they’ve set for themselves for the New Year that have all fallen flat within the first three months of the year. How many years have you told yourself you’d get rid of that extra weight – or save more money – or take some big risk? And then not gotten anywhere closer to that goal by the end of the following year?
That’s because we often don’t set reasonable goals for ourselves when we talk about New Year’s Resolutions. We have big dreams, and that’s wonderful, but it’s really hard to move to Europe or make a career shift without any plan in place to actually make it happen on a day-to-day basis. We expect all this change to happen without making any actual actions towards changing.
So we propose a new way of reflecting as New Year’s Eve approaches – Your Personal Year-End Review. It’s still got a lot of the same sentiment that Resolutions have without the close to inevitable disappointment. Here’s what we suggest you do instead:
Positive Reflections & Acknowledgements:
This is the part where you always start – what did you do well this year? Before we start picking ourselves apart and trying to find all the ways that we’re not quite happy with ourselves, we need to be kind to ourselves and actually look at the things we’re really proud of. Some questions to consider in this part of the reflection are:
- What accomplishments have you made in the past year?
- In what ways did you grow as a person, friend, or partner this year?
- What did you learn about yourself this year that is helpful to knowing yourself better?
- In what ways did you stand up for yourself or protect your boundaries?
- What new people did you welcome into your life?
- What personal traits or characteristics did you acquire or improve on this year?
- What new habits did you build for yourself that stuck?
- In what ways did you treat yourself more kindly than the previous year?
- What positive changes did you make that you are really proud of?
- In what ways have you become closer to the person you want to be?
Accountability Reflections:
This section is all about the parts of the past year that didn’t go as planned, or went in a not-so-positive direction. The purpose is not to berate yourself by looking at everything you didn’t do (or the things you wish you hadn’t done), but instead to find room for self-forgiveness as you move toward choosing to move forward in a different direction. We can’t change the past, but we can’t change the future without sitting with why it didn’t work the first time and deciding to do it differently. Here are some prompts to help you in this section:
- What goals or desires did you not have the opportunity to reach this year?
- What new habits have you formed that you’d rather not carry forward?
- Are there patterns of behavior that you notice in yourself that you’re not proud of?
- Are there opportunities you didn’t take because of fear?
- Are there moments of regret that you are hanging onto?
- Are there memories that you are not forgiving yourself for?
- Are there people in your life who have been a negative influence or drained your energy that you’ve kept spending time with?
- Are there boundaries that you didn’t respect (of your own or someone else’s)?
Value Reflections:
Value reflections really focus on a bigger picture. When we look at the highlights and lowlights of the year, we can usually start to notice patterns. Some of these patterns will be really hard to acknowledge and accept as truth, and noticing patterns allows us to intentionally make space for change. Some value-based reflection questions to consider are:
- What decisions did I make this year that had the most impact on my life?
- Which people did I spend the most time with, and how did this affect me?
- Which activities did I invest in most, and what was the outcome?
- Was the time I spent with those people or doing those activities worth the investment?
- When I reflect on the amount of time/money/energy spent on certain areas of my life, does the investment line up proportionately with their value to me?
- Am I becoming closer or further away from the person I want to be?
- If the saying is true that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, would I be comfortable being seen as alike to those five people?
Change Reflections:
This section is all about what needs to change moving forward. Once you’ve looked at all the good, the bad, and the ugly (for lack of better terms), you then have a better idea of what is and isn’t working for you and what you want to do differently moving forward. In this section, we want to set intentions rather than goals.
Intentions are different from goals or resolutions in that they are used for the present instead of the future, and allow us to orient our mindset and behavior to the things we do hope to get closer to in the future. We all want to be better people, and striving towards growth is amazing, yet we know that setting those lofty goals just doesn’t cut it. Instead, we want to focus on creating identity-based intentions that focus on us becoming ‘the kind of person who’ will reach that destination of being. Some questions in this intentions-setting process to consider are:
- If I break down my life into categories, what categories would stand out to me?
- If I consider making changes in a category, why would these changes be important to me?
- When I think about each category’s desired changes, what kind of person would I be if I was able to achieve those desired outcomes or processes?
- When I think about the kind of person who would be able to make that change, how would it change the way I see myself?
- What changes the person I think I am if I am able to make this change?
This one is a bit complex, so we want to break it down further. Let’s say you want to save money (which is an outcome-based goal). The identity-based intention would be something along the lines of “I want to become the kind of person who always saves a portion of their paycheck.” If you then imagine becoming the kind of person who always saves a portion of their paycheck, you would have the identity of someone who saves money, and reach the outcome-based goal of having savings.
Putting It Into Action:
Alike with any other type of goal setting or New Year’s Resolutions, if we stop here, we still won’t see much change. You can envision becoming “the kind of person who..” all day, and still not make any meaningful change. In order to start to become the kind of person you want to be, consider asking yourself the following questions to make your action plan for each category of your life:
- If I was “the kind of person who” was living the life I want to live in x area, what would I be doing every day?
- If I was “the kind of person who” was living the life I want to live in x area, what would I be doing every week?
- If I was “the kind of person who” was living the life I want to live in x area, what would I be doing every month?
- If I was “the kind of person who” was living the life I want to live in x area, what kind of mindset would I hold?
- If I was “the kind of person who” was living the life I want to live in x area, what would I need to do first to become that kind of person?
- What challenges might I face in implementing my intentions?
- Are there alternatives, resources, and/or people that I can ask to support me in this journey of making change?
- Where can I record my desires so that I see them regularly to remind myself?
- How can I make my environment conducive to completing my daily/weekly/monthly actions to become this kind of person? (HINT: Think of ways to remove barriers to doing each task and make it easier to do the task required, such as putting your gym clothes on your night table the night before if you want to wake up and go to the gym right away)
- How can I check in with myself on a regular basis to establish accountability?
- How can I celebrate myself along the way as I become the kind of person I want to be?
- How can I make sure that I’m not trying to tackle too much change at once?
Conclusion
The end of the year can be hard. There’s a lot of emotions that come up, and it’s tough to truly take space for yourself and check in. And it’s also so important to give yourself the ability to sit down and set clear intentions for yourself and your future. As Courtney C. Stevens famously said, “if nothing changes, nothing changes”. We want you to be able to make change without leaving you in the New Year’s Resolutions slump a few months from now when you haven’t reached your goals. So here is your inspiration to make change in meaningful ways that push you to become the best version of yourself. We can’t wait to see who you choose to become!
References
Clear, J. (2018). Atomic Habits: tiny changes, remarkable results: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. New York, New York, Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House.
Daniel, D. (n.d.). How can you break down large goals into smaller, more manageable steps? Everyday Design. Retrieved from: https://www.everyday.design/faqs/how-can-you-break-down-large-goals-into-smaller-more-manageable-steps
Houlis, A. (2024, May 9). The Power of Setting Intentions – and How to Do It Correctly. Shape. Retrieved from: https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/mental-health/how-to-set-intentions
Moore, H. Therapy With Haley. [@therapywithhaley]. (2022, December 27). New Year, New You? Instagram. Post archived and no longer available online.
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