Those of you who know me personally are aware that my son Nikolai passed away in November. Our family has been navigating this unimaginable loss, and while everyone’s grief is unique, I wanted to share a few tips for those who may want to support someone going through it. One thing that has been instrumental in helping us cope is the overwhelming love and support from our community. If you’re wondering how to be there for a friend or family member, below are a few things that have truly made a difference.
Tips That Have Helped Me
Offer Practical Help: Please don’t ask me what I need, especially in the early months of grief. Often, I don’t even know what I need. Offering practical support can be a game-changer. Our community set up a meal train, if you don’t know what this is, look it up, because it saved our family tremendously! Friends brought over groceries; some asked what we needed, while others simply brought staples. Offering to help with things like carpooling kids can also be incredibly helpful. Sometimes small gestures make a big difference, and every act of kindness is so appreciated.
When in Doubt Reach Out: There are times when I need solitude to process my feelings, but that doesn’t mean I want to be forgotten. I don’t want to be left alone entirely, I truly don’t. If you’re unsure how to show support, a simple text is more than enough. If I’m not in a place to respond, please don’t take it personally. We could go for a walk or just sit and talk. Even if I don’t take you up on it right away, knowing you’re there means the world.
Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “Time heals all wounds” can unintentionally minimize the pain. Acknowledging my grief without trying to fix it allows me to feel seen and understood.
Celebrate the Memories: Say his name. Tell me any memories you have. I want to know that he is still remembered. Celebrating their life rather than focusing only on their absence can be a great comfort.
Avoid Comparisons: Please don’t compare your pain to mine, and please don’t say you understand—because, truthfully, you can’t. Everyone’s grief is deeply personal, and while your intentions may be kind, comparisons can unintentionally diminish what I’m experiencing.
Listen Without Judgment: There are days when I need to talk, vent, or even express emotions I can’t fully understand. Having someone who listens without offering solutions or judgments is invaluable. Just letting me feel heard is incredibly healing.
To those who have been walking with me through this journey, thank you. Your support means the world. If you’re supporting someone through grief, know that even the smallest gesture can have a lasting impact.
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