For years, Bert Kreischer built an empire around chaos. The shirts-off storytelling, late-night partying, and “Machine” persona transformed him into one of comedy’s most recognizable figures. But heading into this year’s 2 Bears 5K alongside fellow comedian Tom Segura, Kreischer says something feels completely different.
Ironically, the event itself started almost accidentally.
“To be honest with you, the funniest part is we had nothing to talk about that day,” Kreischer says laughing. “Tom decided to run a 5K back in his hometown, and I’d already done marathons, Tough Mudders, you name it.”
What began as podcast banter eventually evolved into a full-scale community fitness event built around comedy, running, and fan interaction. But underneath the humor was a real goal.
“Tom and I were getting healthier and we wanted our fans to get healthier too,” Kreischer explains. “Your fans kind of look like you, and our fans were all big guys with beards married to chicks they didn’t deserve. We thought, ‘We need these guys healthy so we still have fans in our 60s.’”
Community over Competition
There’s no overly structured split guiding his workouts on the road, and there’s no obsession with tracking every rep or chasing numbers for the sake of progression. Instead, his training approach is shaped entirely by what’s available in the moment and what realistically fits into the demands of the day. Flexibility becomes the structure.
“Most days it’s something quick,” he explains. “I’ll run, hit 30 minutes on the StairMaster, or get a lift in if there’s a gym.”
It’s simple by design. Nothing about it is meant to be flashy or overly complicated. On tour, the goal shifts away from physical transformation and becomes much more functional. “It’s not glamorous,” he adds in reflection, “but it works.”
When he’s home, that entire rhythm changes.
“That’s when I really go in,” he says. “I’ll do an hour on the court, then an hour lifting. Five days a week.”
At home, structure returns in a way that isn’t possible on the road. His training becomes more strategic. Basketball sessions bring back the competitive foundation he built his identity on, while lifting sessions add the strength and conditioning element that supports everything else he does.
“You just learn how to adjust,” he adds. “That’s the biggest thing.”
That contrast between the two is intentional. It prevents stagnation while also protecting him from overtraining in a high-demand lifestyle.
Inside Bert Kreischer’s 50-Pound Transformation
For the first time since the 2 Bears 5K began, Kreischer says he’s entering the event completely sober. Doing so, he admits, has fundamentally changed both his preparation and his mindset heading into race day. In previous years, the comedian often approached the race with the same carefree energy that defined much of his public persona, openly joking about drinking leading up to the event and relying more on adrenaline and humor than structured preparation.
“Every other Two Bears 5K I’d been drinking right up to it,” he admits. “This is the first one I won’t.”
This year’s decision to drop the booze comes after Kreischer dealt with serious blood clots in both his lungs and legs, an experience he describes as a major wake-up call that forced him to reevaluate nearly every aspect of his health and lifestyle. Rather than temporarily cleaning things up, Kreischer says the health scare pushed him toward a complete overhaul of his routine, from training and recovery to sleep, hydration, and overall wellness habits.
“I’ve changed everything,” he says. “I’m sleeping, like, 10 hours a night. I’m working out harder than I’ve ever worked out. My headspace is amazing.”
As part of his transformation, Kreischer also openly discussed using Mounjaro and testosterone, explaining that the combination, alongside consistent training and lifestyle changes, has helped him lose roughly 50 pounds since beginning the process. More importantly, he says the physical changes have reignited his motivation toward fitness in a way he hasn’t experienced before.
“Once you notice differences in your body, working out gets fun,” he explains. “You want to keep going.”
That renewed motivation has translated directly into his running performance. Kreischer says he’s currently running faster than he ever has while preparing for the event and is beginning to notice physical milestones that once felt completely out of reach.
“I would be shocked if I don’t break 30 minutes,” Kreischer says. “I felt my abs flex the other day and I went, ‘Oh, that’s what that’s supposed to feel like.’”
How Sobriety Changed Bert Kreischer’s Training
Kreischer says one of the most noticeable differences throughout this entire process has been the improvement in his recovery, sleep quality, and overall energy levels. All three have been areas in which he admits were often neglected during years of constant touring, drinking, and late nights. Now, with alcohol removed from the equation, he says his body feels dramatically different both physically and mentally.
“I’m sleeping incredibly well,” he says. “I’m working out every day and drinking 160 ounces of water a day. I a exhausted.”
For someone whose public image has long been associated with partying and excess, Kreischer admits the lifestyle adjustment has completely reshaped how he approaches training and daily wellness. He says the consistency of sleeping nearly 10 hours a night, staying hydrated, and training regularly has allowed him to feel sharper, lighter, and more motivated than ever before.
Still, even amid the healthier lifestyle changes, Kreischer jokes that one particular weakness continues to test his discipline: cookies.
“The only thing getting in my way right now is cookies,” he says laughing. “I’m deep into cookies right now.”
The conversation quickly spiraled into a passionate, and unexpectedly detailed, breakdown of soft batch cookies and their impact on his childhood. Kreischer enthusiastically recalled how the release of soft cookies in the early 1980s completely changed the snack game compared to the harder cookies he grew up eating.
“Soft batch cookies changed the game in 1983,” he says. “My mouth’s watering right now.”
The Belief Running Is Entirely Mental
Although the race is centered around fun, Kreischer believes endurance events ultimately come down to mindset.
When asked who’s most likely to start fast and collapse midway through the race, he immediately pointed toward Segura.
“Tom is the most likely to start strong and dramatically fall off,” Kreischer says. “Running is entirely mental. Mentally, I am superior.”
Even so, Kreischer says the funniest moments happen before the race even begins.
“The preamble is the funniest part,” he says. “Everything everyone says before the gun goes off, that’s what makes you laugh the hardest.”
Once the race begins, however, the tone changes.
“At the end, there’s this real moment of accomplishment,” Kreischer explains. “Everyone’s ecstatic.”
Take Aways For Fans From the 2 Bears 5K
At its core, Kreischer says the event has always been about getting people moving, regardless of pace or fitness level.
“Our goal is just to get people off the couch,” he says. “Get people outside. Get people in the sunshine.”
And while celebrity guests, live podcasts, and unexpected chaos have become part of the tradition, Kreischer says the most meaningful part still comes at the finish line.
“The first thing I’m doing is looking for my wife,” he says. “I want to give her a hug and thank her for all the years of support.”
After that?
“Probably a cigar,” he says smiling.
