We assume you’re here because your temper got the best of you. Maybe you bit your partner’s head off the second they walked through the door after work. Or you screamed at your unsuspecting mom. Or you snapped at a customer service rep who was just trying to do their job. In other words, you lost your shit. And now, after unleashing your version of the Hulk, you may be left with lingering guilt and regret.
For the most part, the occasional outburst is a natural part of being human. (If you throw a tantrum whenever something pushes your buttons, however, or your anger is hurting your relationships, it might be time to see a professional.)
Still, that doesn’t mean it feels good, and while you can’t go back and change your explosive reaction, there are some steps you can take to remedy the situation. The next time you flip out and wish you hadn’t, consider taking the expert advice below.
Physically remove yourself from the situation.
Your first instinct may be to jump into doing damage control—over-explaining yourself and overthinking what you could’ve and should’ve done differently. But it’s actually more helpful to step away, if you can, before attempting to problem solve, Anita Avedian, LMFT, founder of Avedian Counseling Center in Los Angeles and author of Anger Management Essentials: A Workbook for People to Manage their Aggression, tells SELF.
This might mean telling your partner, “I need a breather,” and going outside for a walk around the block so you can calm down before diving back into a (more constructive) conversation. Or, if you lost it because the Starbucks barista messed up your order, sip on your peppermint mocha in the car for 10 minutes until both of you have cooled down a bit—and maybe then you can return inside to apologize or give a proper tip.
“It’s very difficult to be rational when you’re heated in the moment,” Avedian says, and the last thing you want to do is say or do something you’ll regret even more (like justifying your behavior or impulsively blurting out even more hurtful words).
Try a quick deep breathing exercise.
When you’re feeling cranky, irritable, or frustrated, “diaphragmatic breathing” can help, Jelena Kecmanovic, PhD, founder of the Arlington-DC Behavior Therapy Institute and adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University, tells SELF. It might sound complicated, but it just means breathing through your belly, rather than your chest, as SELF previously reported.
