We can text anyone at any time, follow friends through social media and order almost anything without speaking to another person. Yet all that access has not necessarily made us feel more connected. Modern life has made it easier to stay in touch, but also easier to postpone plans, multitask through conversations and lose the everyday interactions that help relationships deepen.
Loneliness does not always mean being physically alone. It can look like friendships becoming less consistent, plans that never leave the group chat or the feeling that everyone else is moving into a new stage of life without you. And as we have explored before, making friends as an adult can be surprisingly difficult when connection no longer happens as naturally as it once did.
We spoke with Bisma Anwar, MA, MSc, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, Talkspace therapist and member of Talkspace’s Clinical Council of Experts, about why connection feels harder to maintain and how we can begin rebuilding it.
We’re more connected than ever through technology, yet loneliness seems to be everywhere. From your perspective as a therapist, what is making real connection feel so difficult right now?
It can be difficult to feel genuinely connected when so much of our contact happens through technology. Texting and social media can give us small moments of connection, but those interactions are often squeezed in while we are multitasking. We may technically be communicating often without creating the kind of focused interaction that allows a relationship to feel deeper. It is one reason taking a closer look at our social media habits can be so important.
Are there certain behaviors or patterns you’re seeing that are quietly making people feel more disconnected without them realizing it?
We have become so busy that catching up with friends and family can start to feel like something we simply do not have time for. There are so many distractions competing for our attention, and they can accumulate over time. Eventually, it becomes harder to make concrete plans with the people in our lives or even respond to a text message with a thoughtful reply. The disconnection often happens gradually through these small moments of postponement.
Do you think modern life has made connection too easy to postpone? When we can work from home, order everything to our door and entertain ourselves endlessly, are we losing some of the everyday interactions that used to naturally create relationships?
Yes. Convenience has made it very easy to avoid being in direct contact with other people. We can use an app, send a text or rely on AI driven technology to complete tasks that once required us to interact with another person. Those exchanges may seem small, but as more of them disappear, we also have fewer natural opportunities to connect with people in our everyday lives.
Sometimes the hardest part of being single isn’t actually being without a partner. It’s feeling like society is increasingly structured around couples and families as you get older. How can single people create a sense of belonging when they feel like they no longer fit naturally into the lives around them?
A sense of belonging comes from the relationships we build with the people in our lives, including friends, family, coworkers and neighbors. It does not have to come only from a romantic relationship. Our lives can still feel rich and fulfilling when we take the time to build meaningful connections with the people who are actually around us, rather than focusing only on the connection we do not currently have.
What would you say to someone who looks around and thinks, “Everyone is building a life, and I’m still in the same place”? How can they determine whether they genuinely feel stuck or whether they are simply measuring progress against someone else’s definition of what moving forward should look like?
Start by asking yourself what you actually want your life to look like, not according to your age or a prescribed set of milestones, but according to what makes you feel content and fulfilled. That can help you recognize what growth looks like for you.
Comparing yourself to other people can make you feel as though you are falling behind, but everyone is following a different trajectory and timeline. Your progress should reflect what you want from your own life rather than someone else’s definition of moving forward.
For someone who feels lonely right now, what are the first few things you would actually recommend they do rather than simply telling them to “put themselves out there”?
Think about the people already in your life. Consider who you feel connected to, who you feel close to or who you would genuinely like to know better. Think about who shares similar interests with you, then approach that person and make a concrete plan to do something you would both enjoy.
If someone wants deeper friendships but does not know where to start, what are some practical ways to create more meaningful connections with the people already in their life?
Start by identifying one person you would like to know better or spend more time with. Reach out around something you already have in common, and allow that conversation to gradually build toward making plans. A deeper friendship does not have to develop all at once. Taking small steps can help foster a stronger connection over time.
For someone who has gotten used to spending a lot of time alone, how would you recommend gradually becoming more socially connected without making it feel exhausting or forced?
Begin by engaging in conversation and allowing yourself to be curious about other people. Pay attention to what they are saying and really listen, rather than focusing only on what you want to say next. Approaching conversations with genuine curiosity can help the interaction feel more natural and connected.
How can we get better at turning acquaintances into actual friends? Are there specific things people can do to move a relationship beyond occasional small talk?
Stay in regular contact instead of waiting for the next accidental interaction. Follow up when you talk about making plans, and ask for their advice or opinion about things that are important to you. Allowing the conversation to become a little more personal can help move the relationship beyond occasional small talk.
For someone who is single and feels their social circle shrinking as friends marry or have children, what can they proactively do to build a life that still feels connected and supported?
Be willing to venture beyond your existing friend group and look for people who are in a similar stage of life. Exploring hobbies can create opportunities to connect with people who share your interests. Most importantly, remain open to meeting new people and allowing new friendships to become part of your life.
Share the post “Why Are We All So Lonely? A Therapist on How to Build Real Connection Again”
