CHANGE YOUR STORY, CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Team Tony
Uncover the unseen forces that define your destiny and transform yourself completely.
Welcome to our 2023 Life is a Gift holiday campaign where we explore the beautiful “gifts” and lessons in every moment of life. To kick things off, this blog delves into the gift of changing your life by changing your story. Join us in celebrating this magical time of year by reading more below or by checking out the full holiday campaign.
Ever wonder what’s really steering your decisions and shaping your life? What unseen force causes someone with little resources to radiate joy, while another person feels miserable despite having all the success in the world? It’s not just your hard work or your life conditions that shape your life. There’s a deeper level at play that goes beyond everyday awareness, influencing everything you think and do.
So, what is this driving force? It’s the story you tell yourself. Your story is one of the most powerful forces that shape your life. It determines every thought, feeling, and decision. You may have written parts of your story, but much of it was written by others – friends, family, society, or even your environment. All the outside influences, people, places, and experiences have a hand in collectively putting your story together.
The problem is when you live on autopilot without ever rewriting your story to learn how to change your life for the better. You go through the motions of daily life, conditioned to accept the story others have written for you – even if it’s not the right story for you.
But what if you could rewrite that story?
HOW A LIMITING STORY AFFECTS YOUR LIFE
To be precise, let’s first clarify what we mean by story. A story is simply the set of beliefs you have about your life and yourself. It’s not just a single belief, but an entire belief system about the core of who you are as an individual. It defines what we’re capable of but also what we can’t do – a subconsciously imposed set of limiting beliefs.
The stories that limit people most tend to stem from pain. Powerful evidence of this comes from Martin Seligman’s experiments on “learned helplessness” – a belief system where you think you’re helpless to change your life, even when it’s within your power.
Seligman found that when humans were exposed to a loud obnoxious noise with no way to avoid it, they eventually stopped trying to avoid the noise. When the conditions changed and they could avoid the noise, they still didn’t try. They just accepted the limiting belief that they were powerless to escape the irritating noise.
In other words, the story they told themselves about their lack of control led to their giving up – even when an opportunity was present to change their situation. Everyone has their own limiting stories – stories that we can never change our life, stories that we’re not good enough, or stories that we can’t find or keep love.
The truth is, limiting stories blind us from opportunity. To find these opportunities, you first need to annihilate limiting beliefs from your story. Seligman’s three Ps’ of learned helplessness offer a valuable starting point to identify those limiting beliefs:
- Pervasive – Is the problem in your story pervasive across all areas of life rather than one specific instance? This is when you believe the problem is universal.
- Permanent – Is the problem permanent? Negative situations are viewed as permanent rather than temporary setbacks.
- Personal – Do you blame yourself as the reason for negative events? If you believe your personal identity is the problem, then you’ll feel helpless.
These stories often center around blame because humans are hardwired to avoid pain. And while we try to escape pain by assigning blame, it never leads to real growth and only delays the pain we experience.
The reality is you’ll hang onto your limiting story until you find something you value more than your plan.
REDEFINE DESTINY BY FINDING THE GIFTS IN A LIMITING STORY
“Divorce your story of limitation and marry the truth that you have unlimited possibility.” – Tony Robbins
How do you change and transform your limiting story? Ultimately, it shifts when you discover the gift of an empowering MEANING, or purpose, in life – even in painful experiences. By finding the gift in life, you divorce the story of limitation and marry the truth of your unlimited possibility. To put it another way, your life story changes once you realize life is always happening FOR you, not TO you.
One inspiring example of someone transforming their life story is Siri Lindley’s personal journey. Struggling with self-acceptance as a child, she faced not just societal prejudices but also profound heartbreak and rejection from her father upon revealing her sexuality. Despite intense emotional struggles that could easily define her limiting story, Siri Lindley found the gift in life by transforming her story into one of determination, self-worth, and victory. She channeled her pain into purpose and became both a World Triathlon champion and an elite life coach, helping thousands to step into their power and live the life they desire.
Finding the gift in life – especially in your darkest days – will dramatically shift your story and the ultimate trajectory of your life. The reality is, every problem is a gift – if we learn from it. Problems offer an opportunity to grow and make us stronger because we learn most when we overcome challenges.
REWRITING YOUR STORY
“Change your story, change your life” – Tony Robbins
Finding the “gift” in life is key to rewriting your story. But how do you find it? It starts with realizing that you are the one responsible for finding the gift in life. No one else can do it for you. Once you recognize that you DO have the power to change your life through your story, the first step is to gain clarity on the current story that’s driving your life.
GAIN CLARITY ON YOUR STORY
Clarity is power because you can’t change what you don’t know. Gaining clarity is about digging deep. You’ll need to be completely honest with yourself, even if it’s uncomfortable. Think of how you’d tell your life story to your friends, to your spouse, or most importantly: to yourself.
What role do you play in your old story? The victim or the victor? The lover or the loner? The worrier or the warrior?
What emotions do you currently experience in your story?
What parts of this story are working well? What parts are holding you back?
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE WITH AN EMPOWERING STORY
Now that you have clarity, it’s time to change your story to one that serves you at the highest level. This step is where you design a new empowering story that shows you how to transform yourself and your life – a story that excites you, a story that defines your purpose in life, a story that highlights what you’re truly capable of. It reframes both your past and present as life happening for you, not to you.
What role do you have in your new story? Are you the comeback champion, or the compassionate giver? The wise leader, or the fearless rock star? How will this new role best serve your highest potential for your new life?
What new empowering emotions do you experience in this new story?
How do you find purposeful gifts in every moment of your new story? How does it reframe your life conditions and affect your daily actions so you feel more alive every day of the year?
MAKE YOUR NEW LIFE STORY LAST FOR THE LONG RUN
It’s one thing to intellectually understand your new story. But for lasting change, emotions matter most. Everyone has moments where we intellectually know what’s best, but emotions take over and we decide based off old emotional patterns – even when we think we’re acting rationally.
Ideally, you want to use emotions to solidify your new story as a core part of who you are. How? You link strong emotions to the new empowering meaning of your story. To put it simply, emotion equals meaning, and meaning equals life.
For example, at Tony Robbins’ Date With Destiny event, participants get crystal clear on the subconscious story running their life. Then after creating their meaningful new story, the immersive, emotional experience deeply embeds it into their nervous system while also aligning the new story with their deepest beliefs and values.
In fact, a study by Standford University researchers on Date With Destiny found that participants experienced a +50% increase in positive emotions like life satisfaction, inner strength and well-being, while also reporting a -70% decrease in negative emotions like loneliness, sadness, anger, stress and anxiety. This was especially true for the clinically depressed participants in the study – 100% were still in remission for at least 30 days after the event.
Remember, knowledge can never replace experience.Reading this article is an incredible first step in taking control of your life story. But if you want to experience a complete transformation of your story and your life, a higher level of action is required. You have to invest in yourself and your life by taking the next step. It might be hiring a coach, diving into daily training apps, or perhaps attending an immersion event. Entering immersive environments, like Date With Destiny, is a powerful option to amplify your transformation and change your life.
