Many obstetric practices also have a team of people who have varying expertise, so it’s a good idea to meet other providers who may be helpful to you in different ways. For example, one may be a surgeon while another may have a more extensive background in mental health care, Dr. Riddle says.
“The most important thing is that the patients feel heard, and feel like they are partnering with their provider in their care and understand the plan,” says Dr. Dixon.
5. Be honest about your limits.
Keeping up with the demands of daily life can be tough when you’re often feeling incredibly tired and unwell. We know it can be hard to do, but asking your family and friends for help can make your life easier, whether you need someone to drop off groceries or step in for school drop-off.
Write out a list of all the tasks you need help with, and the people you feel most comfortable reaching out to. “You can say, ‘I’ve been overwhelmed recently.’ You don’t have to talk about the why if you are not ready. Needing help doesn’t need to be qualified,” Dr. Riddle says. “Imagine if you were asked to help someone in your circle? How would you respond? You’d probably be honored they asked you and trusted you.”
If you’ve decided to keep the news under wraps, you might be tempted to push yourself by trying to maintain your day-to-day responsibilities and social calendar. But things aren’t the same for you mentally or physically, so it’s important to be kind to yourself.
That doesn’t mean you simply need to enjoy more baths; self-care is also about setting boundaries and saying no to things that aren’t necessary or serving you—say, a family member suggests hosting a small gathering in your home (cleaning up sounds like a nightmare) or a friend insists that you attend an event with them (you don’t want to think of an excuse for not drinking right now). “The art of saying no isn’t always easy so I encourage people to discuss with a trusted mentor or a therapist their strategy of saying no gracefully. It’s very empowering!” Dr. Riddle says.
Additionally, it’s crucial to know your legal rights around pregnancy and employment. If you need accommodations—say, work-from-home days when you aren’t feeling well—don’t hesitate to speak with your doctor and HR department at work.
6. Lean on your partner.
Whether this is your first pregnancy or your third, it’ll shift your relationship with your partner, if they’re in the picture. They might not understand all the changes you’re going through, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Keep them in the loop about your needs and check in about how they’re feeling too. Otherwise, a lack of communication can build resentment and make you feel even less supported.
“In many relationships, we can get into a ‘Why can’t you read my mind?’ mindset. We don’t mean to, but we all do it sometimes,” Dr. Riddle says. “So being explicit—‘I need an hour of quiet time’ or setting up some tasks that your partner can do that would help ease your load—is critical.”
The ideal time to communicate your needs is when you’re both feeling calm and can truly listen to each other, she notes. Messages are better digested when you’re both able to hear each other out and aren’t stewing in negative feelings.
And don’t forget to have fun when you can: Plan nights out together to keep some levity in your relationship. “If you can afford it, make [a date night] a regular weekly thing—leave the house, go to dinner, a movie, yoga, whatever it is, but have it be your time,” Dr. Riddle says. “This is a great time to discuss needs, goals, and a team strategy for whatever you are facing.”
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