Are you a woman who’s been told that bravery looks like skydiving, running a marathon, or starting a company? For too long, courage and resilience have been defined only by big, audacious, risk-taking acts. But what about the courage it takes to get out of bed on a heavy day? Or the resilience needed to nourish your body when fear is telling you not to?
For many women, true strength lies in the small, seemingly insignificant battles we fight every single day. That’s exactly the perspective Renee Zukin brings in her new book, Every Day, I’m Brave: Cultivating Resilience to Gain Freedom from Fear. With honesty and compassion, she reframes what it really means to be courageous—and why recognizing our “everyday brave” moments matters.
I had the pleasure of reading Renee’s book and asking her some deeper questions about how to redefine our relationship with fear and find the courage to live a full, joyful life—one brave step at a time.
Alex: In the book, you describe a moment in a break room where you realize that getting out of bed, eating breakfast despite fear, and getting your kids to school on time were all “fucking brave” acts. For women who are used to being told that bravery looks like big, audacious risks, can you talk more about how this moment changed your perspective and why it’s so important to recognize these “everyday brave” acts?
Renee: At the time, I was spending so much energy looking at the world around me. My partner was traveling internationally for work, my friends were posting about their “girls trips” & potlucks, and I wondered if I’d ever be able to do any of those things… I was feeling so lonely, isolated, and defeated because I was letting fear call the shots all the time. That moment in the break room, I was pretty irritated and the anger and resentment I was feeling actually became a catalyst for me to have a new thought. I realized that the grit and resilience to do the little things that were challenging for me was actually brave. I had to flip the script, so that instead of being down on myself for these seemingly little things being so difficult, I could instead celebrate the small wins every day.
This new thought, which would turn into the phrase, “Every Day, I’m Brave,” would eventually allow me to forgive myself, have compassion for the fear I’d been experiencing, and recognize all the ways I was able to show up courageously in my life. That reframe shifted my mood, my outlook, and how I moved forward. Being proud of the small victories meant that I would feel more confident in my ability to feel the fear and do the thing anyway–and those small wins allowed me to tackle even bigger obstacles in the future because I had evidence that I could do things that were scary and difficult and survive them. It gave me the foundation and courage to be out in the world more, to connect with people I love, to experience more joy, too. It can seem silly at first, especially for many women who are quick to discount their wins and their own worth. Celebrating just showing up to a call or a coffee date when everything feels so heavy can seem strange, but the more we are able to honor those parts of ourselves that are courageously doing the work to survive, the better able we are to actually thrive.
Alex: Your first chapter, “Food Fight,” details your battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) symptoms related to food contamination, which led you to stop eating many things you loved. For our audience, who often navigate their own complex relationships with food and body image, what advice do you have for moving from a place of fear-based eating to one of self-trust and nourishment?
Renee: For those of us who have a challenging relationship with food, it’s important to remember that some moments are harder than others and we need to have compassion for the parts of ourselves that struggle. Self-trust is a practice. If we can first agree that food is fuel, that our bodies need it in order to function optimally–and that we are worth spending the time and energy to fuel that tank, then we can start to approach our experience of eating differently. I won’t pretend to have this one all figured out, it’s a daily practice and I still get support for making not just nourishing choices, but enjoyable ones, too. I try to consider what would feel good in my body, what would taste good, and what’s the balance between those. Other days, I just have to make sure I eat something.
My biggest advice is to get support. Find the therapist, the program, the friend that knows how to best help you through this. We absolutely can not do this work alone, especially when we can get in our own way so readily and the lies that fear tells us can be so compelling.
Alex: You describe how you had to be brave enough to “unmask” and share more authentically with your doctors and family in order to receive the support you needed. What was the hardest part about this process, and how did you learn to trust that the people around you had the capacity to “hold the space” you needed?
Renee: One of the motivating factors for writing this book was to take the stigma out of mental health challenges. We can feel so much shame and confusion when our minds seem to work against us, and the more we are able to have an open dialogue about it, the better off each of us will be. Unmasking means that we have to tell the truth about how we are feeling, what we are thinking, and why we are behaving a certain way. I’m not talking about “dumping” all the things on everyone you meet, there is a time and place for sharing it all. But I am talking about learning to trust the professionals and the people who love you enough and have earned the right to bear witness so that they have a fuller understanding of your experience.
It’s up to us to tell people what we need and not rely on them being able to guess. This can be especially challenging when we don’t really know ourselves. While it was hard to unmask, because I was afraid people would think I was crazy or judge me for the OCD safety behaviors I was engaging in, what I realized was that being honest with myself and others actually lightened the burden, decreased its potency, and most importantly, I was able to get the right kind of care for my brand of brain.
Alex: You state that there isn’t one “magic pill or singular spiritual practice” that can cure anxiety, but rather it’s a “holistic, ongoing approach to sustainable, joyful living”. What does this multifaceted toolbox look like for you today, and what are a couple of the non-negotiable tools you use every day?
Renee: I love this question. I am constantly collecting new tools and ideas from books, friends, mentors, practitioners and more, but one thing I return to again and again is writing. I’ve kept a journal most of my life, but it’s harder to do these days in the “busyness” of life. I find, though, that even using the notes app on my phone to get out some big feelings helps me move through them, and allows me to see whatever is going on from a higher perspective.
The other must have tool for me is simply breathing. I find that I hold my breath a lot, or that I breathe from a very shallow space. With anxiety, deep breathing can actually be difficult for some and increase the feeling of panic (seems opposite, I know). So for me, before I can even take a deeper breath, I just have to slow it down. Fun fact: the exhale decreases the heart rate, the inhale increases it. So, if you can get good at slowing your exhale by counting to 5 or 7 or more, your heart rate will slow down. There are lots of different ways you can work with the breath, but just starting with a slower exhale works wonders.
Alex: You explain that panic attacks can be viewed not as a sign of being “damaged,” but rather a sign of resilience because you have proven to yourself, over and over again, that you can survive them. For someone in the thick of anxiety, what is the first step toward adopting this mindset shift?
Renee: The moment I realized that I could rely on the evidence that I have again and again survived a panic attack was such a huge relief. One of the things that can occur and create a vicious cycle is when we feel panic rise, our minds want to sound all the alarms, triggering worries, what ifs, and more. Understanding that panic sensations are survivable and not dangerous allowed me to short circuit the additional thoughts that can often pile on trying to convince me that something was terribly wrong and that I was in horrible danger and needed to be rushed to the hospital. Instead, believing that I can handle feelings of panic allow me to recognize the quickened heart rate, rapid breath, unsteadiness, tunnel vision for what they are–just a feeling, an experience that will pass.
I am also reminded that I can use my tools like breathing, getting present, or calling a friend to help me sit with the sensations and allow them to pass. The first step is to recognize that you’ve survived a panic attack before, and you have the power to do it again, even if it doesn’t feel like it. That you can remind yourself that you don’t have to fear the fear, and you have the strength and courage to manage and move through panic, based simply on the fact that you have before. In the midst of it, just say, “I’m okay, this will pass very soon, I can rest a moment until it does. I am brave, I am strong, and this too shall pass.”
Alex: The book’s title, “Every Day, I’m Brave,” became a mantra for you, shifting your mindset from being stuck to embracing fear’s existence and letting courage lead. For our readers who want to start their own journey of cultivating resilience, what’s one simple action they can take today to begin embracing this philosophy?
Renee: One simple action you can take today to cultivate courage and resilience is to land in the present moment. You are reading these words right now, notice what that feels like in your body. Do you feel your hands holding the phone or the mouse? Do you feel the gentle pressure of whatever you are sitting, leaning, or standing on holding you?
Do you hear any sounds around you? Maybe a conversation occurring or a song playing? Maybe a car driving by? Just listen a moment.
Can you feel your feet? Are they touching the ground? If not, could you imagine they were? Like toes in the sand or the softness of grass.
Now, take a breath, not a fancy one, just a conscious one.
You’re alive. You’re here. You’ve made it this far and it took courage to get to this moment. If it feels right, put your hand on your heart and thank yourself for arriving here.
That’s the first step. When you’re ready, you can get curious about what the next brave step could be.
Cultivating Courage, One Step at a Time
Renee Zukin’s message is clear: true resilience isn’t about being fearless; it’s about choosing to be brave, even when you’re scared. The key lies in honoring your “everyday brave” acts, building a holistic toolbox of support, and leaning on the evidence that you can and will survive the hard things. With her compassionate storytelling and powerful insights, Renee gives us a manual for living with courage.
Check out Renee’s book, Every Day, I’m Brave: Cultivating Resilience to Gain Freedom from Fear, on Amazon HERE.
Connect with Renee on Instagram.
Renee Zukin is an author and mentor with more than twenty years of experience in education, writing, and entrepreneurship. She is passionate about cultivating a safe space for others to use the written word as a tool for self-transformation and empowerment. Learn more at: www.reneezukin.com.
What brave, simple act are you going to do today? – Alex
