Lori Bregman, a celebrity go-to doula, shares what actually matters when it comes to supporting yourself through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
I’ve been working in the birth world for 26 years and have supported around 1,600 births in person, as well as coached thousands of mothers and parents to be around the world through my virtual doula and coaching programs. My philosophy is simple: there is no right or wrong way to do birth, pregnancy, or motherhood. No two people are the same, and what works beautifully for one may not work for another.
I work very closely with my clients throughout their pregnancies, taking the time to truly get to know them because the way you do life is the way you will give birth and, ultimately, the way you will show up as a mother. I ask my clients to let me educate them so they can make informed choices. I will always be their sounding board, but I will never make decisions for them. My role is to support them in the choices that feel right for their body, their baby, and their family.
One shift I’ve noticed recently is that more and more women are wanting to take back their power and have autonomy over their bodies and their choices when it comes to birth. With social media, podcasts, and more access to information, women are realizing there are other ways to do things. At the same time, the medical model of care has, in many ways, moved in the opposite direction.
This isn’t always the fault of doctors. Our healthcare system is broken, leaving many providers overworked, underpaid, and with little time for true support. I know incredible doctors who have chosen to go out of network, saying, “I can’t practice this way. It’s eating away at my soul, and this isn’t why I went into this work.”
Out of network care often offers longer appointments and deeper continuity, but it’s financially inaccessible for many families. Midwifery care, on the other hand, is inherently patient led, with more time spent keeping you healthy so you aren’t risked out of care. Many doctors see birth as something to be managed, while midwives allow it to unfold, stepping in only when necessary.
Some midwives attend hospital births, others work in birth centers or at home. While home birth isn’t right for everyone, it’s often misunderstood. I’ve witnessed extraordinary midwives welcome babies into the world with deep respect for both the baby and the parents. If more OB GYNs experienced home births during training, the way they practice would likely shift.
If you’re home birth curious, I always recommend scheduling a consultation with a midwife. Most are free, and you’ll walk away with valuable information, whether or not it ends up being your path.
Whatever your choices are, here are five things that will truly support you before, during, and after birth:
Know Your Intentions
Birth preparation isn’t something to leave until the final weeks of pregnancy. Start learning early and get curious about what matters most to you-how you would like to give birth, Where you feel safest giving birth, how you want to feel, who you want supporting you, and what kind of experience you’re hoping to create through pregnancy, birth, and beyond. From this place find your reason for wanting to do it this way or have this experience. It gives your intentions a foundation. Set intentions rather than rigid expectations, remembering that birth is fluid and not set in stone. Adaptability and flow is part of the process.
Choose Your Team Wisely
Explore all of your options—home birth, hospital birth, birth center, epidural, induction, unmedicated birth, cesarean and more. Notice whether you’re more holistically or medically minded, and let your birth intentions guide you as you build the right team around you. Ask lots of questions, and pay attention not only to the answers, but to how you feel in their presence. Do you leave feeling inspired, supported, and respected? Or do you walk away feeling fearful, unheard, or bulldozed like your choices don’t matter? Teamwork truly makes the dream work. These are the people who will be supporting you through one of the most transformational moments of your life, and they have the power to either empower you or disempower you. Meet with more than one provider if possible. Clarity comes when you understand your “why,” and when your team aligns with it.
Educate Yourself
I see people all the time investing enormous amounts of time, energy, and money into their wedding day—the photos, flowers, cake, venue, dress… Everything was carefully planned. And at the end of it, they’re left with beautiful memories. Yet when it comes to birth, many people simply go along with what others suggest, without doing much research or education of their own. Birth stays with you for the rest of your life, and it imprints your baby as well as it’s their very first impression of the world. The time you spend learning and educating yourself so you can make informed choices is truly your first step into parenthood. Your baby is completely dependent on you to advocate and decide on their behalf. Knowledge is power and if you don’t know your options you might not be given any. Go into your prenatal appointments with a list of questions so you can make the most of the limited time you have with your care provider. Consider taking a non-hospital , as hospital classes are often limited and focused on one particular approach. Read uplifting, inspiring books on birth and listen to podcasts that expand your understanding. Birth matters far more than most people realize.
Hire A Doula
Hiring a doula can be one of the most supportive choices you make during pregnancy and early parenthood. All doulas practice differently, and I truly believe there is a doula out there for everyone. Some support birth, others specialize in postpartum, and many do both. Doulas are non-medical care providers who support your mind, body, and spirit throughout pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period, working in tandem with doctors and midwives to create a more supported and informed experience. Research also shows that having a doula can make a real difference in outcomes, including lower rates of cesarean birth, shorter labors, reduced need for pain medication, and higher rates of breastfeeding initiation. The best way to find the right doula is to ask around -friends, care providers, and health practitioners often have great recommendations, and you may notice the same names coming up. Meet with a few, ask questions, and most importantly, check in with yourself about how you feel in their presence. Comfort, trust, and connection matter deeply when choosing who will walk beside you during such a transformative and important time.
Focus on yourself
No one else is birthing or raising your child. What worked for your sister, mother, best friend, or a random influencer might not be what is best for you or your family. The most important thing you can do is stay true to yourself.
Be mindful of who you spend time with, too. People often share their opinions without thinking, and their fears or doubts can plant seeds in your mind that don’t belong to you. These stories are often projections, not truths.
Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s; pregnancy, birth, and motherhood are profoundly individual experiences. There is so much pressure to get it “right,” and I’m here to remind you there is no perfect way to birth, mother, or parent your child. You are perfectly imperfect and exactly what your baby needs.
Perfection is an unattainable goal. All you can do is your best, and your best is more than enough. Trust your instincts. For nine months, your baby was a part of you, as you were two souls under one skin. Even though the cord is cut at birth, there will always be an invisible, energetic cord that binds and connects you to your child forever.
Motherhood is not about performing; it’s about listening, feeling, responding, and trusting that everything you need is already within you.
About the author:
Lori Bregman is a doula, coach, advocate, and author of The Doula Deck, Mamaste, and The Mindful Mom-to-Be, with over 26 years of experience supporting women through pregnancy, birth, and the profound transition into motherhood. Having attended more than 1,600 births, Lori’s work bridges ancient wisdom with modern day realities, helping women trust their bodies, reclaim their intuition, and feel deeply supported during one of life’s most transformative passages.
Through her comprehensive in person doula services and virtual offerings including The Transformational Journey Into Motherhood, a coaching experience that guides women through the emotional, physical, and spiritual metamorphosis of becoming a mother, as well as the Mindful Mom-to-Be Group Coaching Program and Doula Your Way, her signature 12 week virtual coaching and mentorship program for doulas, Lori uplifts, empowers, and deeply supports both mothers and birth professionals to show up authentically, confidently, and in alignment with who they truly are.
As an advocate for maternal choice and women’s wisdom, Lori’s mission is to change the way birth and motherhood are experienced, one woman and family at a time.
