For years, “mom brain” has been dismissed as little more than forgetfulness or brain fog. But emerging research suggests the maternal brain is doing something far more remarkable: adapting.
We spoke with Dr. Nicole Kumi, PhD, PMH-C, maternal wellness expert and founder of The Whole Mom, about what science actually reveals about the brain during pregnancy and postpartum, why so many women feel unlike themselves after becoming mothers, and how understanding these changes can help normalize one of life’s most profound transitions.
In Conversation with Dr. Nicole Kumi
The term “mom brain” is often used jokingly to describe forgetfulness or brain fog. What does the latest research actually tell us about how the brain changes during pregnancy and early motherhood? I think one of the biggest misconceptions we have created is that “mom brain” means a mother is somehow losing something. We joke about it as if her brain is failing her, but the research actually shows the opposite: the maternal brain is adapting. Pregnancy and early motherhood are periods of significant neuroplasticity, meaning the brain is literally remodeling itself. Research has shown changes in gray matter volume in areas connected to social cognition, including empathy, emotional understanding, reading cues, and recognizing the needs of another person.
What is fascinating is that a decrease in gray matter does not mean a loss of function. It is believed to represent specialization, similar to the pruning that happens during adolescence, where the brain becomes more efficient for the next stage of development. A mother’s brain is being reorganized to help her become more responsive and connected to her baby. So yes, she may walk into a room and forget what she was looking for, but she may also wake seconds before her baby cries, notice tiny changes in behavior, and constantly anticipate needs before anyone else does.
The problem isn’t “mom brain.” The problem is the way we talk about it. We have framed one of the most significant neurological transitions of adulthood as a weakness instead of recognizing it as a transformation. We spend so much time preparing women for the birth of their baby, but very little time preparing them for the birth of themselves as mothers.
You often speak about maternal identity. What are some of the biggest identity shifts women experience during pregnancy and the fourth trimester that aren’t talked about enough? The biggest shift is that a woman doesn’t just have a baby. She becomes someone new. We celebrate the baby’s milestones, but we rarely acknowledge that a mother is going through a developmental transition, too. She is integrating who she was before with who she is becoming.
Women often tell me, “I don’t feel like myself anymore,” and they assume that means something is wrong. But what if instead we normalized that transformation? Motherhood changes relationships, priorities, independence, career identity, body image, partnership dynamics, and almost every part of how a woman understands herself. I call this the “birth of the mother” because that’s exactly what it is. A new identity is being formed, and mothers deserve support through that transition.
What daily habits or practices have you found most effective for helping mothers feel more grounded, emotionally resilient, and connected to themselves during the fourth trimester? One of the most powerful things we can do is help a mother turn some of that attention back toward herself. During postpartum, we track everything about the baby: feedings, diapers, ounces, milestones, and sleep schedules. But we rarely ask a mother to track her own growth, healing, and transformation, and that sends a message that the baby is developing, while the mother is simply supposed to recover and return to who she was before. But motherhood is a developmental transition, too.
That is why I created the Postpartum Growth Tracker, to help mothers reflect on the parts of themselves that are changing: their confidence, identity, relationships, emotional needs, support systems, and sense of self. The question shifts from:
“How quickly can I get back to who I was?”
to
“Who am I becoming, and what do I need during this season?”
Small daily practices like checking in with yourself, noticing your emotions without judgment, asking for support before reaching exhaustion, protecting rest, and creating moments of connection all help remind mothers that their needs still matter. A thriving baby doesn’t require a mother who disappears. It requires a mother who is supported, too.
How can women distinguish between normal adjustment challenges and signs that they may need additional support for their mental health? I always tell moms: Postpartum is hard, but you should not have to suffer. There is a difference between adjusting to a major life transition and feeling like you are no longer functioning. If sadness, anxiety, anger, intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, or overwhelm are consuming most days, impacting sleep beyond normal newborn sleep disruption, affecting relationships, or making a mother feel disconnected from herself or her baby, she deserves support.
If anything she is experiencing is impacting her ability to complete her ADLs or find joy in any area of her life, she should seek professional help. If she is experiencing significant sleep disruption and begins hearing voices, experiencing hallucinations, or delusions, she should seek immediate help.
One of the most common things new mothers say is, “I don’t feel like myself anymore.” Is that feeling primarily psychological, or is there evidence that motherhood literally changes how a woman experiences herself and the world around her? I think this is one of the most validating pieces of research for mothers. For so long, women have said, “I don’t feel like myself,” and society has responded with, “Well, you’re tired,” or “That’s just motherhood,” but there is science behind that feeling. Your brain, your hormones, your relationships, your priorities, and even how you perceive risk and connection are changing. It’s not just emotional. It’s biological, psychological, and social.
The problem isn’t that mothers change. The problem is we don’t tell them they’re going to. So when it happens, they think they’ve lost themselves, when really, they’re rebuilding themselves.
How does sleep deprivation affect the maternal brain, and what can mothers realistically do to support their cognitive and emotional well-being when uninterrupted sleep isn’t an option? Sleep is one of the most overlooked aspects of maternal mental health. We minimize it by saying, “All moms are tired,” but sleep deprivation has a very real impact on emotional regulation, anxiety, mood, decision-making, and coping. Telling a new mom to “just sleep when the baby sleeps” is not a strategy. It’s unhelpful and invalidating.
We need realistic conversations about protecting sleep. That might mean creating shifts with a partner, accepting help differently, lowering expectations, or prioritizing one longer stretch of restorative sleep when possible. Sleep is the number one factor that impacts all other areas of a mother’s life and should be taken seriously.
Sleep is not self-care. Sleep is healthcare. Sleep deprivation and an inability to sleep during postpartum can lead to significant mental health concerns, including postpartum psychosis, which is a medical emergency. Moms need to track their sleep and work with supports to improve sleep quality above almost anything else in their lives. This could involve childcare help, medication, or therapeutic techniques.
How can partners, family members, and friends better support a new mother who is navigating both the physical and neurological transition into motherhood? Stop only asking about the baby. Ask: “How are you feeling?” “What feels heavy right now?” “What do you need that nobody is noticing?”
Partners especially need education, too. They cannot support a transition they don’t understand. We often expect mothers to communicate every need while they’re exhausted and overwhelmed, but that still puts the responsibility back on them.
Support means noticing. Anticipating. Participating. The more educated eyes that are on a mom, the better her outcomes can be. Helping her set and enforce boundaries to protect her sleep and the decisions she has made can be incredibly impactful for her mental health. Offer validation over judgment and unsolicited advice.
Looking back at the research and your own work with mothers, what is the one thing you wish every woman knew about the maternal brain before giving birth? I wish every mother knew this:
You are not losing yourself. You are becoming someone new.
We spend months preparing women for labor and delivery, but birth is one day. Becoming a mother is a lifelong transformation. The fourth trimester isn’t just about recovery from birth. It’s about supporting the birth of a mother. And when we prepare women for that transition, when we give them education, community, and tools, we can change the entire postpartum experience and improve outcomes.
