When I’m working, I hyperfocus on the task at hand. If I’m writing an article—like this one, for example—I sit down at my desk around 8:30 a.m., conduct a couple of interviews, research the topic I’m covering, and then hunch over my keyboard like a gremlin, typing away until the end of the work day, which, for me, is usually around 5 or 6 p.m. I get absolutely absorbed—so much so that when it’s time to shut my laptop and make dinner, I seriously struggle with transitioning out of work mode. I continue to think about how I want to edit specific sentences or what else I need to do to hit my deadline as I join my husband on the couch and descend into the evening.
I’m not alone here: People rant about this all the time on Reddit, claiming it’s impossible to relax and unwind after work; their brains can’t let go. “For a lot of people, the projects aren’t done at the end of the day,” Ashley Smith, PhD, a psychologist in Kansas City, Missouri, who specializes in anxiety and stress, tells SELF. “You can always be thinking about them or checking your email or doing more. You don’t have an off switch.” The pressure! It never ends!
If you’re mentally preparing for your next 1:1 with your manager or how you should fine-tune a presentation while doing the dishes, you’re technically still working, Cassidy Dallas, LICSW, a therapist in Westford, Massachusetts, who specializes in anxiety and work-life balance, tells SELF. Not only can this stress you out and exhaust you—but it can prevent you from being fully present in whatever you have going on after hours, like hanging out with your partner or catching up on Bridgerton. The result: You won’t be as happy, relaxed, and social if your mind’s still on the job, Dallas says.
So, if you’ve been lurking around the above subreddits desperately in search of tips to salvage your evening (just me?), you’ve come to the right place. Below, you’ll find six expert-approved ways to snap out of work mode so you can (god forbid) enjoy your life.
1. Tell your coworkers you’re—really, actually—logging off.
While some workplaces expect employees to respond to emails immediately and around the clock (I’m shaking), in many cases, that’s not actually a job requirement—and you might be unnecessarily putting that pressure on yourself, Dr. Smith says. So she recommends getting clarity about your employer’s expectations; your boss might be totally cool with you being MIA at night.
Ask your teammates if you’re supposed to be responsive or if it’s NBD to log off. And if the work-life lines are unclear (or you can no longer deal with the non-stop pings), do your best to set your own boundaries: Let your coworkers know you’ll be unavailable in the evenings; if they need you for anything urgent, they can call instead of messaging you. That way, you’ll be less tempted to keep refreshing your email or checking Slack. “It will make it easier to let work go when it’s like, ‘Nope, I don’t do work after 6 p.m. That’s my time,’” Dr. Smith says.
2. Do a body scan.
The first thing Dallas recommends doing when you clock out? A three-to-five-minute body scan (which, by the way, you can easily practice on your commute home if you take public transportation). Here’s how this simple mindfulness exercise works: Bring your full attention to every part of your body, from your face all the way down to your toes, and take notice of any sensations you feel. For example: Do your shoulders feel tense or is your jaw tight? Is your stomach grumbling? Are you thirsty?
